HR problems in Hades.
The god Hades was walking quickly through the corridors of his dark palace built underground. He was pissed off coming back from a meeting with his employees. The Erinyes went on strike, refusing to make sure that each soul sentenced to eternal damnation in Tartarus, duly fulfilled its punishment. Three terrible sisters, whose breath killed thoughts in a second, demanded Orpheus to be taken from the surface to sing for them his hits about love and languishment. Hades did not need a Tartaro disco for his happiness. This god preferred only death metal. That kind of music deafened miserable cries and wailing of the damned souls whose place of execution was placed under the Hades’s home.
He entered the throne room and saw his beautiful wife Persephone there. She was watering some dried-up sticks in pots, naively trying to revive them. Near his golden throne, Cerberus was sleeping like a child, snoring horribly. The Lord of the Underworld only hoped that the pet wouldn’t miss the escape of the next subversives, who wished to return to the world of the living. Recently a large group broke out and Hades got the wigging from his great thundering brother. Hades bent over and stroked the three sleeping heads of his pet. One head was snoring, reminding with this sound the planning of wood, the second was blowing air with a whistling sound, and the third was champing. Suddenly a loud and prolonged fart was heard, accompanied by very unpleasant smell of sulphur. At that moment, Hades was glad that his pet had three heads, not three bottoms.
“Hades, what are you feeding him?” Persephone indignantly put away her diamond-studded watering can.
“Damned souls of course.”
“I think their quality has deteriorated significantly, because Cerby has more and more barkind spiders after them.”
“I can’t help it, the poorer and poorer are being sent here. It has never been before that Tartarus was overflowing while on the Island of the Blessed is empty. You can count those good souls on the fingers of one hand. They are bored and annoyed because they lack the bridge set, and they do not want to play a dummy bridge anymore. On the other hand, those in Tartarus are waiting in a queue for the penalty. There are jams and bottlenecks.
“Standing in the queue is in itself a big punishment.”
“Not for them, the whole queuing system has already been created, groups and collectives are formed. Social life is blooming. Only the demons that serve individual torments are becoming more and more overtired. They want me pay them overtime! They send their trade unions to me, demanding rises. As the result, they want to torture more people on Earth. When I give up and fulfil their demands, my sanctimonious brother will call me from his golden stool on the Olympus, complaining that I ruin the harmony and stress people, and if I stress them, they will die and occupy my Tartarus. And this means 2pi... you know what I mean.”
“So, maybe let the demons torment only the good ones. Then they will go to the Blessed Islands and these nice three bridge players will get some companions.”
"You have great ideas, my dearest wife", said Hades, reaching for the jug wine. "Then maybe you can figure out what to do with the Erinyes that are on strike today?" I’m losing control of this company in Tartarus.”
“What do they demand?”
“Well, you will not believe, this molly Orpheus. Ever since he has been here for the guest show wanting to sing freedom for his wife Eurydice, he turned the old crocks heads and now the sisters demand his return.”
“Orpheus, is he a good soul?...”
“Oh yes! After all, he is not able to urinate without chanting apologising and begging song to my wonderful brother! He's just tootling on his lyre! When would he find time to sin?”
"So, bring him here, he will be fourth to the bridge of the Elysian Fields and will give a concert for Erinyes every day... I will listen to him gladly too."
“Honey, you're not only beautiful but also clever. To kidnap you into my underground kingdom, was the best thing I have ever come up with.”
“I am very pleased that you do not regret your misdeed... And now, my dear, finish this drink, my mommy announced herself for dinner today, and you know that she does not like when you stink with wine.”
“But she is goddess of plants, and wine is made of grapes which is the plant after all...”
“Wine - is made from a fermented fruit, confusing your head... You know that mommy should not be irritated.”
“Yeah, yeah, I know, because she is running to Zeus asap... When it comes to your kidnapping, my beloved, I regret only one thing... that I didn’t choose better mother-in-law.”