From the life of the gods. Stories of the Olympus - episode 5

Gastric problems of the Lord of Olympus.

        Zeus - God of the Gods, Lord of Olympus, was sitting on a throne. However, it wasn’t his magnificent golden throne placed in the throne room but this a little bit less representative... in the outhouse. Wave after wave Zeus’s digested contents fell out, accompanied by powerful thunders. People on Earth were experienced divine indisposition in the form of tornadoes, typhoons and cyclones. Meteorologists wondered where they came from, because nothing did foretell it. Of course, the greenhouse effect was blamed for all these whirls of nature. Since the bathroom session was prolonged, through the closed door Zeus demanded his pc be delivered. He was now sitting and still struggling with continual intestinal spasms, studying the current situation on Earth through the Google Earth application. Nevertheless, he was not given the peace in this place of seclusion.

“Dad, dad, will you be sitting there for a long time?” Athena knocked at the door.

“My little daughter. You have yet another 100 bathrooms in this palace” Zeus grunted, trying to withstand another intestinal spasm.

“It's not about that. Daddy, uncle Poseidon, was cruel to Odysseus again! First, he sent sirens to him, and when I was able to save him, he imprisoned him on the island of the goddess Kalypso. Please, release him!”

Zeus grunted.


"Yes ... I'll release him”, he groaned. “And you, please...”

“Everything you want, dad.”

“Live me alone!”

“Right, I'm going but, will you release him?”

“Yeees!!!” this cry was connected with another spasm, another wave to the toilet bowl and subsequent atmospheric discharges on the planet Earth.

“Okay, so I'm off now, giving way to Hermes as he has also business to you.”

Zeus groaned miserably.

“Dad” the voice of the god of thieves was heard through the door of the Zeus’s privy.

“My lad, quickly, please.”

“I’m always quick. It is my motto.”


“I bring a word from your brothers...”

"Why do not they call me instead of ping-pong you?"

"They called but they had not been able to contact you for a long time and are already pissed off by the explanations of Hera that you are in the loo.”

“Because I am.”

“Uncle Hades has a request that you stop killing so many unscrupulous people and begin kill that good-natured...”

“It's not me who kills them, they slaughter each other in the wars and terrorist attacks!... And my second brother, what is he up to?”

“Uncle Poseidon asks you not to help Athena in helping Odysseus.”

“Oh dear!” Zeus groaned. “I’ve just promised her help. My brother supposedly imprisoned him on Ogyga island.”

“So, you have to organize it like...” in this moment Hermes's words were deafened by a powerful shot from the intestines of the Olympus’s master.

“How to organize? Repeat my son because something explouded.”

"Not something but your winds, daddy", Hermes prompted uneasily. "I meant that you had to organize it so that you would free Odysseus but you would trap him somewhere again.”

“Well, sonny, I will think about it, I have plenty of time here.”

“Not necessarily because Artemis is already waiting in the queue.”

“Noooo!” and again a sound of next tsunami wave could be heard through the door of the Zeus’s bathroom. “Hermes!”

“Yes, dad?”

“Tell the servants to deliver a new portion of the toilet paper... that with the balm.”

“I'm flying away and giving place to my sister.”

“What do you want, daughter? Only quickly, please..." Zeus groaned, already tired because of the gastric problems.

Artemis took her father's words to heart and began to speak with the speed of a machine gun.

“Dad, again a hunter caught me when, together with my friends - huntresses - I was skinny-dipping. How can I be pure and innocent when somebody is still watching me and then running after me in the forest for consummating aims?”

“Child, start turning these voyagers into the ground game. Their colleagues will shoot them off and stop your trouble. And now, go, give your dad peace in this moment... of focus.”

“Okay, but Apollo also has a request.”

“Enooough !!!”

The sky over Mount Olympus was covered with clouds and a terrible storm began.

“Alright, do not be upset, dad, I'll tell him to wait.”

There was silence. Nobody wanted anything. Zeus returned to studying Google Earth. The storm over Mount Olympus stopped. Suddenly a soft knocking to the bathroom door could be heard. 

“I hope it's a paper delivery... with the balm.”

“No, my dear husband, it's me Hera.”

“Woman, do not you see that I'm suffering?!”

“I do not see but unfortunately I may smell it. Unpleasant odour is spreading all over the house.”

“Bring me the paper... necessarily with the balm. I feel that I have been skinned.”

"Very well, then” Zeus could hear ominous laughter through the door.

“It is your fault! What are you feeding me?”

“No, my dear, it's YOUR fault! It was better for you not to go for another nymph. This last date, not with me, you will remember for a long time.”