From the life of the gods. Stories of the Olympus - episode 7

Divine nannies.

        Apollo jumped out his fiery chariot directly into the Hermes’ garden on the Olympus Mountain. He found the master of the house playing chess with their crude brother - Ares.

“Ares, do you play chess? Is... is it you that, well... does it not overwhelm you... a little bit?” He asked frankly amazed, watching the frowning gorilla God of War staring at the board with figures.

"I could handle it but Hermes is cheating as usual" snapped the asked one.

"For Zeus’s sake, you are the only one who I know that I can't cheat. You just wouldn't understand you're being cheated” the  God of Thieves spread his arms helplessly.

Without giving Ares time to conclude that he had been offended, Apollo quickly began to speak.

“Gentlemen, brothers...”

"You must have some business since you’ve remembered the blood ties that connect us" Hermes interrupted.

“Oh no. I wanted to offer you a trip to Earth. I have recently met a very attractive and easily approachable Earth lady. She said that she would bring along two girl friends to today's meeting.”

“Will that friends be equally attractive and easy to approach?” Hermes asked at once.

“Well, I’m not sure what Aphrodite thinks about it?” Ares starting worried at the same time.

"My dear brother, you made a mistake", Apollo began explaining patiently. "Aphrodite is not your wife and moreover, she is married to Hephaestus..."

“So, should I ask him for permission?”

“Since when should the God of War ask someone for permission?” Hermes interjected provocatively.

“That’s right! Everyone should ask me for permission.”

"So, do you agree that we’ll go to Earth and spend some time in a good company?" God of Thieves asked quickly.

“I agree.”

Apollo whistled at his chariot and after a while three gods were already rushing towards the Earth. Hermes didn't even predict in what a good company they would spend the next few hours.

*   *   *

       “Hi, honey! I can see that you brought your friends” an attractive blonde greeted them on the doorstep. She must have had a good knowledge of constriction business because she knew perfectly well what silicone was best for.

“Yes, darling, did you bring your friends?” Apollo chirped.

“Girls will be here soon but there is a small problem, my dear”

“What problem, darling? I will solve every problem of yours, my sweet heart.”

“Oh, cool! You know, my babysitter failed and we have already arranged a beautician and then we have to do the hybrid on our nails, so someone has to watch the little one” the blonde threw this stream of information with one breath.

“What little one?” Apollo looked confused.

“Well, the kid... You have to play about a little when she starts to blubber, give a bottle and change the nappy when she makes a poo... but that’s nothing for that fantastic boys like you.

“What kid?” Apollo asked in astonishment.

“Well ... mine.”

“So… do you have a child?!”

"Well, it happened... but don't blame me here!" I had warned that I was a liberated woman. I’m not afraid of lack of responsibility.”

"All right, all right" Apollo began to mitigate.

"My dear lady" Hermes joined in the conversation. “I was promised to spend time in nice female company...”

“And that's all right, dude. Little Lola is a very nice company... when she doesn’t bawl, of course but you, such fantastic guys will definitely manage for these few hours when we make ourselves beautiful for you...

"A few... how long?"

“Well, don't be scared, it's everything for you” saying that, the blonde pulled them home. Still confused, they followed her into the living room, where they saw a small cot and a small creature lying inside.

“You see, she is sleeping, no trouble. Here is a bottle, there are diapers...” the sound of the car horn was heard from the outside. “Oh, girls have just come. I’m off. Bye, bye! We'll be back looking brilliant soon” saying that, she grabbed a pink purse and there was so much of it.

"Nice female company" muttered Ares who was silent until now because the action was too quick for his comprehension.

"Well, you could not have arranged a nicer date" Hermes turned to Apollo reproachfully.

“Look, what a sweet little thing. She's sleeping. It is not a big deal, wait a moment for the girls in her company...”.

At that moment, the creature opened its eyes and a terrible scream filled the area.

"A nice company" Hermes gruntled.

“Turn it off somehow!” Ares shouted.

"She just got scared" Apollo started to excuse the baby lifting it out of bed. “You have to shake her a little bit... I mean to rock. It will calm down.”

However, the creature didn’t.

"I will sing to her..." Apollo tried to shout over the child's scream, “or better I play the lyre” he added despairingly.

“Okay, play!” Hermes shouted back.

"But in order to play I must have my hands free..." Apollo said.


“So, take her from me.”

“O my God, no!”

“Please, I shall play a lullaby and she calms down soon. Then you will get rid of her... I mean, you will put her to bed.”

Apollo played the most lyrically he could. Hermes was rocking and the creature was screaming blue murder.

"Gentlemen, I'm starting to get nervous a little bit" Ares muttered.

"Then maybe you can suggest some method to silence her, brother?" Hermes shouted angrily to him.

“Sure, I will conjure a hammer up and it will stop screaming.”

“No, well, I'll conjure a hammer up and knock your brain out to find the last cell responsible for thinking!” furious Hermes, still holding the child in his arms, started moving towards Ares.

“Gentlemen, brothers, do not be at loggerheads!” Apollo threw the lyre and stood among the divine brothers. "Hermes, think of a puzzle for her, if she starts to analyze it, she may, however doubtfully forget to scream."

"I can ask her a puzzle, or even a thousand riddles but if you haven't noticed, her IQ is even lower than Ares’s. I'm afraid I may not find a common ground with her”, Hermes shouted back.

“So we're back to the hammer option?” Ares asked.

“Gentlemen, relax, please!” Apollo almost had tears in his eyes.

"I'll tell you one thing, we need a woman to solve that problem " Hermes said.

“So I'm calling Aphrodite?” Ares picked up immediately.

"I understand that for you as a soldier everything is about..." started Hermes.

“Ares, call Aphrodite!” Apollo shouted.

        After 5 minutes, the child slept peacefully in the cot. Aphrodite stood behind it, looking at three divine nannies with a look of disgust.

"Once again you tease Ares because of his defective intelligence, I will turn you into Playboy bunnies" she said sternly to Apollo and Hermes. “God of War turned out to be the smartest of you because he had asked a woman for help.”.